Today I was left alone, to grieve and to think. Not a fan of grievance. But once in awhile, you have to do this to feel the pain pounding against your emotions, to register that we shouldn't take things for granted. I do not usually abuse the happiness that come to me, I live the moment for as long as it would last for me.

But I lost them and the actual pain sinks in. I find myself struggling in this emotional pithole, adjusting into the new rhythm and coping with mind battles, aimless and clueless. The heart shrinks as I release. The whole time I keep trying to figure out what was real and what wasn't, what was and what I thought was. It doesn't make any sense. Feelings never do. They get you all confused, then they drive you around for hours until they drop you back to where you started.

Then I realise, I cannot keep coming back to this point. Not that I haven't realised, I just didn't think there was a need to think about it. Neither did I mean to succumb to the polygamous way to survive in this ever-changing world. I can't change what had happened, all the time. I'll get pass that and I'm not dwelling over it anymore. I do realise I made a mistake, there were times that I could turn around but I did not. Don't tell me you told me so cause I might lose it. So please don't. I keep building this barrier around me, trying to shun away from anything that might be emotionally damaging to me. I can't help the cowardice. Now I'm getting hold a grip of it and something tells me I should start getting back on track soon, I am.

Somehow, the vibe of my incites seem to have simmered down as my eyelid gets heavy. Normal sanity will resume soon enough as the finishing touches put on my current catch.