One year ago, one of my friend lost her granny.
Today, it felt like deja vu as another friend of mine lost hers.

But I guess the difference was the way I handled my friends' loss. In fact, I'm feeling ashamed of the emotionless I was in the past. Yours truly is definitely not the nicest person in the world, and half of what I have done is enough for a horrible death when karma strikes. But at least today, I'm glad I didn't make the same mistake and I know I'd pay for what I had destroyed.

Sometimes I think about the regrets I've accumulated over the past eighteen years. The apologies I never gave, the I love yous I couldn't bear to say. I was known to be vocal and outspoken, but I seem to still contain much anguish and anger inside my heart. I waste too much time trying to shun away from anything that might be emotionally damaging to me.

I kept building this barrier around me and try to be happy. The barrier stays, but never my happiness. What cowardice.

I know.