I'm beginning to frighten my own guts by questioning if I can persevere in this crisis of the struggle of my fittest control over myself. I am indeed pumping my best shots to fuel into this flame, hoping that things will really go well despite those shit coming around. It injects more fatigue into my will when school and trainings intercepts like a train crash. Honestly, coping is difficult and I would really like to be juggling all without facing tremendous confusion. It isn't really helping by crooning repeatedly that "it will be over soon" because more stuff will keep pouring in, consistently.

This afternoon, I woke up feeling destroyed, knowing that there are truckloads of stuff waiting to be done. I wish I could further elaborate on what that ruined me this fine day but I can't because I'm too angry to. What disturbed me further more was receiving judging comments planted onto you from people who don't see your effort. It sucks, totally.

I'm so emo and I hate it. It feels ghastly inside and outside currently and it's doubling the intensity of this. I find myself hating the world and I don't feel any consolation. Maybe some alcohol will do tonight's rest some justice.

I'd rather just die, you know.

Eyes were matted with the colour of blood

and soaked in bodies of tears